Are you bored yet?

I am lying on my bed; I don't know how long it has been maybe an hour maybe just 10 mins. The ceiling is white, plain, dull, it has no border designs, unlike back at my parents’ house, the one I left. It’s just plane, square with a fan a little left from the centre, probably those who lived before me had their bed right below it. There is a hook in centre, where the fan was actually supposed to be, maybe it was for light bulb, who knows. Things fit in as one wishes, not the other way around. I have watched this countless time and thought same things. The fan is old and has dust settled on it, it hasn't been clean for last few months, nor been used much for last few weeks. There are also some spider webs, but no spider at sight, they left their home too. I hope they reached a good place, maybe they died on the way, or maybe they are alive at some better place than this hobbit's habitat. There is a big crack on the right wall, I have followed its path so many times, it looks ...

  I KILLED SOMEONE trigger warning - blood mentioned, might be anxiety inducing. 'why did you had to do this? ' I scream at her. Holding the body of the person she just...without an ounce of guilt, ripped apart. It's some familiar unknown, taking their last few breathes in my arms, 'please live' the person says to me, ' I want to see you happy' I can feel their helplessness even if I can't recognise their face, in between their long heavy breathes 'promise me?' I try to hold their wound trying to stop all the blood flowing but it isn't helping 'promise?' they ask again 'I do, I do, you won't die either please don't give up' I am crying for them. 'my time is up....' they sound like smiling, and they take a long breathe and go silent, I check their pulse 'no, no, no, this cant be happening' They died in my arms, my hands are soaking their blood and turning me in an uncomfortable shade of maroon. I ...

goals written in handwriting not everyone can read filled of ideas prevailing, and quotes to help being stead all corners wrinkled and creased adhered up in hopes, one day it will be fulfilled. They are a metaphor of myself, being stuck on wall and falling over and over, again and again and again and again in a disarray, usually an ignored existence but oh, every time I sit a hopeful mess I see.

If I say I'm fine  will you believe it? If I ask for space will you give me? If I ask to never reach me out again               will you not come back? If I say I hate you                        will you believe it? If I say I don't wanna see you           will you stop showing up in my dreams?  If I say don't haunt me will you disappear with those memories? If I ask you to forget me        will you do it? Or will you be there     waiting for me in hopes          just like we promised? -zeuge

these reckless lust so insane, every touch making me feel alive. this rush of adrenaline in my vein whenever our bodies touch fingers dancing together every time they meet the gush warmth spreading in my bones the care, making my heart melt, these hug that feels like home, the kiss that would never feel like sin. Genuine love blooming inside, I can feel you smiling, cuddling me safely beside the way you held me is all I need I am ready to take all the risk this intimacy is the lover's promise to stay this is real, feelings of love as I speak, I wish this never ends, I hope this isn’t a sweet dream, believing the world has somehow shifted. ' ' ' ' I woke up with tears in my eyes as the realisation hit me up this wasn’t real, this wasn’t real, this wasn’t real.. this wasn’t real, Afterall. what was that, just a sweet ill...

You stepped into my world,  a bittersweet lost soul, there was so much more to you than a pretty face I see through your deceiving smile, sad loathed weary eyes,  how  your expressi on carry a mournful melancholy you hate how feeble yet cold you have become timorous in your skin, wanting to end the misery shaking of your bones, heartsick        my darling you are the prettiest form to exist, nature's loved creation  people did you wrong,  they tore your halo apart jealous of the way you shone ripped your wings, used you over and over again thinking you'll fall apart, too cruel for your kindness they drove you insane, called misery upon themselves and                                                                                   ...