I'm 18 now
18.08.2022
It was
actually not exactly bad. I might have been in the moment of happiness for a
while… that’s a good thing to be honest
So as soon
as clock struck midnight, I told me happy birthday and slept, even tho I knew
my friend would call. There were thoughts going inside saddening me inside and
that may sound absurd but I don’t exactly regret sleeping and ghosting people wishing me hbd.. selfish it is but peace it was for me . Then I woke and same
brush and morning chores of cleaning and all and then read the birthday wishes
from people and replying n all... bathed, prayed had some breakfast.
And then
the whole 1st half of day was over like that just me laying here and
there, in the evening I went out to buy some treats and get the cake and it
started raining lightly, and as a smartass I am I drove in that shower, bought some
snacks to make me happy, picked up my cake
then I came
back home got ready, it took me like an hour something maybe? I did bit makeup
after like months, with all the patient I could keep, I did it, put eyeliner
without ruining it just perfect… LOL. And chopped of my hair to give me light
bangs, I had the LEO COURAGE courage, too much of it honestly, I also had to
broke a container of loose powder. It was quite chaotic in the moment
then I cut
the cake, idk what made me so happy, turning 18 or the cake, my dress or was just myself... I was having genuine
smile after a long time without overthinking or faking it. The celebration was
just in my family and then delivered some food and snacks to my maternal
relatives living nearby, that tired me out even tho I was just sitting on
scooty for half of time and speaking 4 lines per person, anyways. I got a lot of
money as gift…. Hehe
I later
went to sleep after dinner.
Now that
was about my day outside happening. In my mind, I was excited happy yet sad and
lonely maybe? there were reasons I know yet it was sad.
I’m 18 now
an adult... legally atleast. I didn’t meet up my friends, idk... I could have
made them meet me, if I tried but I was too annoyed or maybe it was ego or want
of more attention than few messages, idk I do kind of regret stuff but I don’t actually.
Its fine,
it has to be fine…
Afterall I’m
breathing on my 18th birthday… something I used to wish and cry over.
it was like a checkpoint for the old younger me who didn’t knew what’s going on,
why things were the way they were, the inner me was smiling to be here in the
moment. I didn’t want to cry or nothing happened that would tear me up and give
‘the birthday trauma’…
Everything
was calm and chaotic in a good way... it was nice after a long while to have a day,
a birthday I was fine actually... even if I wasn’t, I don’t care. I enjoyed the
day, I want to remember this as a good memory.
